Mid Semester Reflection
Midterms and spring break came and went, suddenly, I was left with the realization that its been approximately 65 days since my study abroad journey began. To be frank, its been a whirlwind. I have experienced some amazing things and some not so amazing things. I’ve experienced some weeks that pass by in the blink of an eye, and I’ve experienced weeks that feel never ending. I’ve had some delicious meals and some less than delicious meals. I’ve been overwhelmed, and I’ve underwhelmed. I’ve been happy, and I’ve been sad.
I have good days and I have bad days and I do have emotionally draining days. That’s what comes with studying abroad sometimes. Since being here, I have learned more about myself than I ever thought I would. I always chuckle a little at that, its so cliché. It is, but it’s also true... I’ve learned that who I was a year ago, isn’t who I am today even if I am reminded of her from time to time. A year ago, I would have never embarked on this journey because my mind and my body detested the idea. I still struggle with anxiety and depression today but at one point they fueled each other and nearly burned me to smithereens. I would have days in which an anxiety attack would graduate into a panic attack and rule my entire day, leaving me emotionally and sometimes physically immobile. If I was particularly unlucky, it would continue to do so for the few following days.
It was a depressive cycle I never saw myself coming out of, studying abroad was the very least of my concerns. It was simply not an offer I could put out on the table for myself. But I did it and I truly listened and embodied my dad’s “ponte las pilas” nagging advice, which essentially translates to a more motivational-esque “get it together”. I did it because in my heart I knew I could do it and I wanted to do it, and I knew if I didn’t I would regret it. I worked extremely hard to get myself to where I am today both mentally and physically. Studying abroad played an immense role in it all. It’s truly taught me how resilient and responsive to change I am.
I still struggle today, just not as much as I used to. While I’m being completely honest, there’s not a week I haven’t thought of packing up and going home. I wouldn’t do it though. It’s a lot like when you were younger, and your parents grounded you, yelled at you or what not… you devised your great escape, packed a bag and you were so sure this was truly the time you were going to run away and never come back? But you never really ran away. You’d miss it too much. It’s like that here, except no one is here to yell at you or ground you. I could have thrown in the towel and I could have gone home, but I haven’t, and I won’t—I’d miss it way too much!
On my sad days, I pull up the ‘How Many Days Until…’ bookmark saved on my phone and cry a little because I’d give anything to be back home. These days suck. Plain and simple. It’s a domino effect and before you know it you’re missing everything and everyone even more than usually and you’re crying about every little thing under the sun. It turns from a pity party to a pity rager and I don’t recommend that. However, these days make the happy days ten times better.
On my happy days, I question why I would ever want to go home. Those days are the best without a doubt. It reinforces your love of the journey, the city—the everything. I’m reminded of all the amazing things I’ve learned, seen, tasted and heard. Although this week has been an emotionally draining one for me, and I’ve contemplated calling it quits and going home early, I know that it will pass because it may be stormy now, but it won’t rain forever.
Writing this week’s blog was therapeutic for me because it has been one of, if not, my hardest weeks in Florence for a multitude of reasons however reflecting on my semester and my experience so far really aligned things into perspective. This week may have been stormy, but the rain won’t last forever—and it certainly won’t be rainy in the Po River Valley where I get to spend a worry-free, relaxing weekend with SAI! When you’re feeling down just remember that there’s a light (or a trip) at the end of the tunnel!
Florentine Recommendation:
All' Antico Vinaio
Via dei Neri, 74 R, 50122 Firenze FI
When I first arrived in Florence, I was bombarded with “you haaave to try ______ & _______” on the daily. Two of my roommates went before I did, when they returned they told me all about “the best panini” they had ever had—and then they mentioned how long they waited in line. I wont tell you how long because it’ll turn you off a little bit, but its worth the wait. I’ll leave it at that. Once I tried it for myself, I was in awe because that was “the best panini I had ever had”. My favorite part? Aside from the delicious panini? Its only €5!